Being 'Normal'

It's been a busy week for me; I've finally resigned from my full time position as 'bummer' and have started volunteering at NUH as a speech therapists assistant.

I've enjoyed every moment of it since I started on monday. I've got to see the speech therapist at work and saw the difference in therapy for children and adults. I've got to witness certain tests that the therapists' conduct to assess the swallowing ability of the patient as well. And although what I've seen is just the yip of the iceberg, I'm already bubbling with excitement to start my degree! Haha! :P

As much as I enjoyed every single day I've been to work because of the things I get to do, it has also been a very eye opening experience. I've never seen so much saliva in my life!! At least coming from adults; you see the patients I meet are mostly stroke patients and thus they loose the ability to operate certain muscles in the mouth and throat region on top of the loss of mobility in their limbs. It breaks my heart at times to see fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, grandfathers and grandmothers loose their independance because of that horrible condition. but what touched me most was that most of those I've seen, especially one individual in particular, have taken it in their stride and have shown that are living their life to the fullest despite their condition. Yes, thare are a few who are withdrawn and I pray and hope that they would somehow find acceptance and realise that they can wind their crippling condition or disease.

This week has also been a very disappointing week, my application for a scholarship has been rejected. I'm not sad it got rejected, I'm disappointed at the way I was treated and the words used.

The disappoinment hit home when they told my mum, who had called to enquire on the status of my application, that I am not of scholarship material. It broke my heart. I am not intelligent, I went to the 'normal acad' stream and went on to do a diploma. I was never an office holder in any of my CCAs and never had a permanent CCA in poly. but what I did was this: I am an active member in church and have devoted my time to serving in church. Unfortunately, there is no way I can put my service to cuhrch on paper to serve a evidence. To me that is not important, as I know He recognizes what I've done, and it is He who would finally say if what i had done is enough.

The thing is this, the university I am going to offered me a place based on the mini interview they had with me. They gave me a place without seeing my academic and CCA achievements. The scholarship wrote me off because I do not fall into their wanted list. The bottom line: I am from the 'Normal Academic' stream.

Yes. They say that they take both grades and CCA achivements into consideration, but do they realize that there are only so many ranks in girl guides and no ranks at all in peer support? Are they saying that it only takes the leaders of the CCA to make a CCA tick?

Why am I austracised for not boot licking my seniors? For maturing late? For being playful at 12 years of age?

How was a 12 year old suppose to know that being playful and not taking her PSLE seriously would cause her so much trouble 9 years later? Has my effort as a 13 year old go un-noticed?

I wrote an appeal to ask for a reconsideration and this is what I wrote:

Yes, I am a Normal Academic student. I had a PSLE aggregate of 184 and had an ‘O’ level score of 16 points for L1R5 and 11 points for L1R4. This made me one of the few Normal Academic students who met the criteria for an entry into a junior college.

My grades may not be as impressive as what the other students may have but being a Normal Academic student has taught me life skills which have helped me achieve what I have today.

Being a ‘N’ level student has taught me determination, perseverance and compassion. Determination and perseverance have helped me through tough times in my diploma course. I had never learnt chemistry apart from the little covered in the ‘general science’ syllabus in lower secondary; on entering the polytechnic, I had to learn pure chemistry. It was tough but I managed to pass inorganic chemistry, organic chemistry and food chemistry at year 1.

Algebra was always a problem for me and I had to do ‘A’ mathematics in the first year of my diploma course. Yes, I had failed it the first time. But I never gave up; I called for a tutor to help me grasp the concepts. I passed at the second examination.

Failure at a tender age of 12 taught me that in order to achieve what you want, you have to work hard for it. Failure at 18 years of age taught me never to think that you would not fail because you have succeeded once or even a few times. What is important however is that you never give up.

I learnt compassion through the stigma of being a ‘N’ level student. I know how it feels to be looked down upon and to be regarded as hopeless. In addition, I experienced what it was like to feel that no one understood and to be treated differently.

What I faced being a ‘N’ level student is only a minute fraction of what children with special needs, adults who have lost their independence and communication through lost of mobility due to stroke or a neurology disorder would face.

I had helped out in the Singapore Spastics Children Association, Ren Ci Hospital, Assisi Home and Hospice’s Cancer Children’s Centre and have visited a leperosy home. On these short term volunteering stints, I have met some who have found acceptance and were trying to live life to the fullest and some who wished their life would end.

After meeting these remarkable adults and children, I made it a personal choice to one day be able to give those who wants to live life to the fullest a better quality of life and hope to those who feel that they are at the end of the road.

Thus, I so want to do speech pathology as I want to make a difference in the lives of stroke patients who may have lost some speech and developed swallowing problems by encouraging them and showing to them that there is light at the end of the tunnel through the skills I would have acquired.

In addition, I yearn even more to assist children with language problems, as communication is a vital aspect of everyday life. By teaching these children to converse in a variety of ways based on their individual conditions, would provide them a life skill, which would one day help them be independent.

Furthermore, their parents would be able to enjoy simple but meaningful conversations with them and these children would have an outlet to express how they feel.

I sincerely hope you would reconsider my application. You have my assurance that I would put in my best efforts into my studies and into my job as a speech pathologist.

Thank you.

I got my reply today. I got rejected as they say the nature of the scholarship was competitive. Bullocks! It is because I came from the Normal stream and was never top 5% in poly!

When would the efforts of us Normal students be recognised?

I know of another individual who left to study in Australia after her 'O' levels, she was an individual who was in one of the first few batches of the Normal system. She did well in Australia and became very accomplished. She had then applied to be an Australia citizen. The Singapore embassy kept asking her to reconsider giving up her citizenship here. Why? Because she has made a name for herself.

Are we only going to be recognized after we have made a name for ourselves? I mean, are we not going to supported while we make our way there? Are we that much of a risk that they do not even want to consider supporting us? If so, then what is the point of increasing the variety of courses available in ITEs and polytechnics? Why give us false hope?

I thought that I could finally be seen as any other student once I passed my 'O' levels, I guess I am wrong. However, I am PROUD to have been an 'N' level student. As I was given the oppurtunity to learn what others may take a lifetime to learn.

I am not giving up, I am applying for another scholarship and we'll see how it goes.