In the silence of the night
It has been a while since I've updated this blog of mine and from that time till now many thoughts have ran through my head and many events have taken place. Well, it's not that I have nothing to say about it but I'm just too lazy to type it in... and maybe it's because I fear that one day what I type here would be used against me.
This is my little online space to help me vent my thoughts and it's MY thoughts... so no one should judge me on what I write here or even tell me my views are wrong coz they are MINE! Ok ok... so what's up with the capitals...?!
Well, blogs have been pretty much the talk about in the newpapers lately... they've helped people battling with various illness to find support, to inspire others and create an awareness of their illness. But just a few days ago, a scholar who made a racist remark on his blog is facing possible serious consequences. I'm not saying what he said is correct; I'm just thinking why do people continue writing in their blogs knowing that strangers can read them and misinterpret what they write?!
Each time I write here, I think about what I wrote like a gazillion times before I post it up... probably explains the long intervals between each entry. To be honest, I admire all who are daring enough to just write what they feel like writing and post it up without hesitation.
Then why even start a blog in the first place you may wonder. Well, I did this so as to have an outlet to air my views on life events and to just have a place to put my spinning thoughts. Maybe it was a decision made on impulse from the sudden inspiration I got from reading Marcus' and friends' blogs. You may think I'm silly, but that is me.
Earlier today I told a friend that I'm starting to think of blogging as silly; especially since there is a chance that if you write something that is not pleasing to an outsider, your blog can turn into a weapon against you. But in the silence of the night, it has become my companion.
So much for my directionless blabbing... here are my views on things that have happened to me... a personal account.
On 1st April 2005, students of AFSN had their very own graduation night. It was night filled with laughter and joy. It was probably the few rare occasions where there was no division seen and grades were kept away from conversations. It was night where everyone kept their differences aside and just enjoyed the company of those they've journeyed with for the past 3 years.
I was estatic to see that all the stress and sweat that had gone into planning the event had paid off! But that night left me feeling empty and a sense of nostalgia came over me.
Throughout these 3 years I had always dreamt of the day I would complete my diploma as I was in transit. I knew that my journey for the 3 years was only a small step to attaining my dream. Thus, I only wanted to finish my diploma as quickly as I possibly could. I never lived the experience.
Watching my coursemates that night made me realized that if only I had allowed myself to live a little more, I would have been able to get to know more people not only from my class but also from my course. If I had lived the experience, there would have been more laughters during project meetings and more joy in coming to school.
I'm glad a few angels dived in to help me live the last 1.5 years of my poly life. And these angels are none other then Xiao Wei and Pui Ching and later Deborah. There were others who were angels for a while but they quickly became someone I do not know and recognize.
There were other friendships fostered during the past 3 years but they were rather surface friendships. maybe this would not have been the case if I had lived the experience but I didn't.
So now as the curtains fall to mark the closure of this little journey I took, I am left feeling empty and in a strange way, wish I could live it again. If i could turn back the hands of time I would have taken a different path... I would have stopped to smell the flowers.
But I can't turn back the hands of time, so as I watch the curtains fall, I smile and cry. I'm glad I have at least a year and a half worth of great memories on top of that I've bagged 3 jewels and a truck load of events that have helped me grow as a person. But at the same time, I cry as I have missed out on smelling some of the sweetest flowers and more so as I would miss the joys this journey has brought me.
When I left IJ I cried as I was leaving my family nest, today I cry as I'm leaving the amazon. When I left IJ I left with a survival kit, a treasure chest of love, cherished memories and a few jewels; today I leave TP with the beauty of the amazon, 3 jewels and an adventure I will never forget.
The ship is about to set sail again. This time, I will remember to live it from the start and not from the middle.
This is my little online space to help me vent my thoughts and it's MY thoughts... so no one should judge me on what I write here or even tell me my views are wrong coz they are MINE! Ok ok... so what's up with the capitals...?!
Well, blogs have been pretty much the talk about in the newpapers lately... they've helped people battling with various illness to find support, to inspire others and create an awareness of their illness. But just a few days ago, a scholar who made a racist remark on his blog is facing possible serious consequences. I'm not saying what he said is correct; I'm just thinking why do people continue writing in their blogs knowing that strangers can read them and misinterpret what they write?!
Each time I write here, I think about what I wrote like a gazillion times before I post it up... probably explains the long intervals between each entry. To be honest, I admire all who are daring enough to just write what they feel like writing and post it up without hesitation.
Then why even start a blog in the first place you may wonder. Well, I did this so as to have an outlet to air my views on life events and to just have a place to put my spinning thoughts. Maybe it was a decision made on impulse from the sudden inspiration I got from reading Marcus' and friends' blogs. You may think I'm silly, but that is me.
Earlier today I told a friend that I'm starting to think of blogging as silly; especially since there is a chance that if you write something that is not pleasing to an outsider, your blog can turn into a weapon against you. But in the silence of the night, it has become my companion.
So much for my directionless blabbing... here are my views on things that have happened to me... a personal account.
On 1st April 2005, students of AFSN had their very own graduation night. It was night filled with laughter and joy. It was probably the few rare occasions where there was no division seen and grades were kept away from conversations. It was night where everyone kept their differences aside and just enjoyed the company of those they've journeyed with for the past 3 years.
I was estatic to see that all the stress and sweat that had gone into planning the event had paid off! But that night left me feeling empty and a sense of nostalgia came over me.
Throughout these 3 years I had always dreamt of the day I would complete my diploma as I was in transit. I knew that my journey for the 3 years was only a small step to attaining my dream. Thus, I only wanted to finish my diploma as quickly as I possibly could. I never lived the experience.
Watching my coursemates that night made me realized that if only I had allowed myself to live a little more, I would have been able to get to know more people not only from my class but also from my course. If I had lived the experience, there would have been more laughters during project meetings and more joy in coming to school.
I'm glad a few angels dived in to help me live the last 1.5 years of my poly life. And these angels are none other then Xiao Wei and Pui Ching and later Deborah. There were others who were angels for a while but they quickly became someone I do not know and recognize.
There were other friendships fostered during the past 3 years but they were rather surface friendships. maybe this would not have been the case if I had lived the experience but I didn't.
So now as the curtains fall to mark the closure of this little journey I took, I am left feeling empty and in a strange way, wish I could live it again. If i could turn back the hands of time I would have taken a different path... I would have stopped to smell the flowers.
But I can't turn back the hands of time, so as I watch the curtains fall, I smile and cry. I'm glad I have at least a year and a half worth of great memories on top of that I've bagged 3 jewels and a truck load of events that have helped me grow as a person. But at the same time, I cry as I have missed out on smelling some of the sweetest flowers and more so as I would miss the joys this journey has brought me.
When I left IJ I cried as I was leaving my family nest, today I cry as I'm leaving the amazon. When I left IJ I left with a survival kit, a treasure chest of love, cherished memories and a few jewels; today I leave TP with the beauty of the amazon, 3 jewels and an adventure I will never forget.
The ship is about to set sail again. This time, I will remember to live it from the start and not from the middle.
1 Comments:
hey dear, finally an entry. hahaha. i love reading ur entries. u write really beautifully.
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